the 30th year of my life begins now....

Today is my birthday. I'm 29, and so far, I really like it. 

It's been an unusual birthday. Because Troy and I are moving tomorrow, I've been packing. All day. With some lovely phone calls to steal me from the tower of boxes I've created. You'd think packing alone all day would be an awful way to spend a special day, but in fact, I've quite enjoyed it. 

After two months of a schedule so full that I barely had time to breathe, a day at home alone with no where to go has been water on the dry ground of my soul. I've listened to some of my favorite music, checked my facebook periodically to get the latest "happy birthday" greetings from people who would normally never know it's my birthday, and have enjoyed a few still moments of silence. 

And, unexpectedly, packing has proved to be a very appropriate birthday activity. It's quite nostalgic and reflective. So many memories behind each piece of furniture or decoration. I so appreciate the idea of engaging mentally in all big life changes, and I think packing has helped me celebrate the last 29 years of my life. 

Of course, all of this packing and processing has purpose for the future ahead. A new home. The final year of my 20's. A fresh new season that Troy and I can create entirely out of our personalities, based on the leading of the Lord. I'm looking forward with much gratefulness and expectation. 

I, as always, find myself overwhelmed with the richness Troy and I have in our friendships. If they measured wealth by the sorts of friends a person has, we'd be the wealthiest people on earth!

Esther - YAY. Haman – BOO.

The Holiday: PURIM  March 10, 2009

The Point: Party like a little kid to celebrate the story and victory of Esther. Adults included.

The Attire: I suppose the goal is to dress up like a character from the Esther story (ie queen, king, middle eastern person, bad guy, etc).  But, any costume will do, really. For some reason the guys all wear cowboy stuff.  I ended up in some sort of Asian outfit this year.

The Food: Hamantashen. YUM. It’s a triangle shaped cookie with filling in it. The triangle represents the supposed shape of Haman’s hat. I’ll admit, after 2 years of hamantashen attempts, I’ve given up trying to make them actually triangular. Give a girl a break! That dough is hard to work with!  Besides, it tastes good no matter what shape it is.

The Story: One way or another, the Esther story is re-told on this holiday, much to everyone’s delight. Why so delightful, you ask? Well, first of all, puppet shows and dramatic productions are often the mode of retelling. And, the best tradition of all is the interactive part. Every audience knows that ANY time Esther’s name is spoken, it’s only polite to yell “YAY” as loudly as possible.  And any time Haman’s name is spoken, it’s a choir of “BOO’s” and stomping feet. It doesn’t stop there – no, no. Every audience member is given a “grogger”, which is basically an obnoxious noisemaker to “blot out” the name of Haman.  And let me tell you, little kids have an awfully hard time waiting for the appropriate time to use those groggers (and I may have “grogged” out of turn a few times myself).  Somehow, the wave got introduced this year after Esther's name...I think we might have been the first crowd to do that one. :) 

The Extras: Special Purim songs.  Carnivals and games for kids of all ages. A huge Purim meal. The cool realization that people all over the world are acting just as foolish and crazy as I am on this holiday.  I just recently heard that many people give gifts to the poor during this season...I’m making a mental note of that one for next year.

The Bible: Really, you should read Esther 9:26-29. Or the whole Book of Esther. So cool. 

The holiday isn’t given to the Jewish people by God, as most of the Jewish holidays are. But, it most certainly is a celebration of God’s miraculous saving power, and the willingness of one young woman to risk her life for what she knew was right. I’ll celebrate that any day! Interesting to note that the name of God is never mentioned in the book of Esther.

My Thoughts: The Purim story is one of such victory, and the celebration of it is filled with such joy, that it’s easy to overlook the serious ramifications of that period in history.  If Esther had not obeyed and risked, the Jewish people would have all been killed. Lots of people would never have lived - the most important of which, of course, being Jesus.  If I think for too long, I end up thinking of all of the various attempts to wipe out the Jews over the course of history, and the unbelievable (literally) resilience of the Jewish people. Those thoughts alone attest to God’s very existence, His goodness, His commitment to keep His promises, and His ongoing plan for the Jewish people.  

The End: Everyone together now.... Esther - "YAY"!!!

All The Stuff People Said That Turned Out To Be True

Lots of people have lots to say about marriage. By the time I got married at age 28, I think I’d heard just about everything good, bad, and ugly about matrimony. Now, six months into a marriage of my very own, I’m evaluating the truth of all of that advice, input, suggestion, warning, and counsel. Granted, I’m still a bit of a novice at the whole marriage thing, but so far, I think these are just a few of the things that have proven true…

Make sure you marry your best friend. On our honeymoon, Troy and I loved using the new terms “husband” and “wife” as much as possible. But we were surprised to find that it was just as glorious to say “you’re my best friend”. It’s still a little awe-inspiring to look across a room at him and think about how he’s my best friend in the whole world.

The couple that prays together, stays together. A little cliché, and perhaps 6 months isn’t quite enough time to prove that it really works. BUT, it’s striking how powerful it is to pray together. Sometimes it’s just a quick few sentences as he’s headed out the door for work, and other times it’s a lengthy conversation with God and each other. Either way, prayer communicates a “team” mentality better than anything else, and keeps our focus in the right place.

Time is your friend. Admittedly, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the 13 month engagement Troy and I had. I’d always pictured myself as the 4-month-engagement kind of gal. We had a tough go of it too…plenty of arguments and issues to get ironed out. But around month 12, miraculously, everything settled down. All the sudden we were communicating well, understanding each other more fully, and laughing together regularly. It felt like we’d made it through some sort of obstacle course. Everything we accomplished in those 13 months has sweetened our first 6 months of marriage. Although not perfect, it’s been easy and smooth – and WONDERFUL. I can honestly say, we owe the incredibleness of these first 6 months to the challenges we worked through in those 13 (when we still had the opportunity to go home to separate places at the end of the night and get some space from each other to process!).

Girl friends still matter. Yes, Troy is my best friend. Yes, I want to spend ALL of my time with him. Also true: my girl friends connect with, sharpen, and inspire parts of me that he doesn’t. Neither Troy nor I feel like that’s because he’s lacking in any way. In fact, he appreciates the time I spend with girls because it makes me a better woman and wife.

Good communication is KEY. If I had a nickel for every time I heard this… Turns out, it’s true! I always thought “How hard can communication be? You say what’s on your mind, you listen to what’s on theirs, and POOF, you’ve got communication.” But the truth is, you’re not just dealing with words, you’re dealing with 2 totally different languages of the heart that both happen to use English to express themselves. The hardest part, I think, is the listening. Not just hearing, but listening with the goal to understand.

When you marry a person, you marry their family too. Ok, perhaps this is a little bit overstated. It’s important to draw good boundaries and create your own new family unit. But, family is forever. And even if you don’t deal with each other’s family members every day, you definitely deal with each other’s family culture every day. Amazing how family culture impacts just about every single aspect of every single thing. In the last 6 months I’ve learned a lot about my own family, as well as his. I’m thankful for Troy’s family. Although they are certainly different than mine, they have GREAT core values, loyalty to each other, and they are all very close!

You fall more in love every day. Skeptical little Jen had a hard time believing this one. But I’ll gladly admit that I was wrong! This has been so so true. Even on the hard days, I find myself more in love with him. Very strange. The only explanation I can think of is….God.

Boys have cooties. Well, I never have been able to identify what a “cootie” is exactly. In kindergarten it’s some sort of undesirable yucky smelly germ that crawls. At age 28, it’s just the realization that there are smells, sounds, and habits whose existence is unknown to women before living 24 hours a day with a boy. Enough said.

Forgive quickly. I’m not sure that I’m a 100% fan of the rule “never go to bed angry”, but I am a 100% fan of the heart behind that rule. Usually, the biggest arguments are over the smallest stuff. Quality of life suffers greatly for us both (no matter which person is the grump) as each angry moment passes. If we can figure out how to relinquish our desire to be right and prove the other person wrong (quite the challenge for us both), then forgiveness is easy. And it’s worth it EVERY time. I’d rather have an hour of good quality time together after eating some humble-pie than an hour of frosty silence as I’m trying to make my point.

What you see is what you get. People always told me not to enter marriage with a plan to change my husband. And I can see why. We were both pretty honest about ourselves in our dating season, and I’ve not been surprised by much in our marriage. Troy is Troy in every way. Same goes for me. Trying to change people is a dangerous undertaking that usually employs manipulation and frustration. It’s been wonderful to be settled in knowing that we really evaluated each other’s strengths and weaknesses long ago, and we’re happily stuck together forever. As is said in Bridget Jones Diary “I love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!”

Habits form quickly, so be careful to build a good foundation. Yep. We’ve already developed tons of habits. I make the bed while he brushes his teeth. He hits the snooze button for us 3 times. I make the coffee. He checks the mail and takes out the trash. The list is endless. And our habits of communication and time management are MUCH more important than the coffee or mail-checking. We both have decided to be very intentional about all the habits we’re forming…the future of our relationships depends on it!

The two biggest things that influence who you become as an adult are the person you marry and the congregation you’re a part of. This is a theory developed by a dear friend of mine, and one that I find to be quite true. As I think through my friends who have been married for a while, I can see how they’ve changed and grown. Most often, it’s easy to see how those adjustments are affected by their husbands and churches. I can see it happening in my own life already. Troy’s preferences are becoming my own. The way I look at the Lord and the world is being influenced by the community that I’m in. Makes it that much clearer that these husband/church choices are BIG and IMPORTANT!!

It’ll take 10 years before you really have anything figured out. I was a little too proud to take this one seriously. But happily for us both, I’ve now been humbled. How surprising and reassuring to find that marriage really is a process! We’re better at it now than we were last month, and I know that it’ll take years before we get all the wrinkles ironed out. It’s so encouraging to know that the imperfections are normal. We’re in this for the long haul, and that’s what it’s gonna take!

So, if that last point is true, than this blog entry after 6 months of marriage is just a bumbling and sorry attempt at knowing anything…ask me again in 10 years! All I do know is that I LOVE being married, and I LOVE my husband. I never imagined marriage would be like this. Thanks Jesus.

writing and driving at the same time

I'm cooking up some material for a new blog post. And of course, my most brilliant thoughts came as I was driving 70mph down the highway this morning. I told myself" What's a girl to do? I can't possibly sacrifice these thoughts to my horrible memory. I must document them immediately!" So, in all safety and wise drivingness, I grabbed a pen and notebook out of my bag, set the book on my lap, and started writing furiously. I'd love to say that my eyes didn't leave the road for even a millisecond....
So, here I am with a page full of barely discernable scribbles and leftover adrenaline pumping through my veins from the near accidents I encountered. I have to ask myself "Self, is blogging really worth all of this?" And I answer back "Yes it is. Yes indeed."
Love to you all. I'll sacrifice my safety for you any day. :)